Welcome to Nashville: Petrie Dish

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Petrie Dish

I live in a petrie (I don't even know how to spell that.) dish. In 2 weeks alone, I took a kid(s) to the doctor six times. What?!

Let me give you a run down on our last 8 weeks -

5 ear infections
1 sinus infection
105 degree fever
pink eye - it took two antibiotics to get rid of it
tonsillitis
croup
And I lost my voice, which wouldn't really matter except it was right before some auditions. Nice.

Somehow we managed to stay out of the hospital this time which is more than I can say for the month of February or was it January?

What is the matter with us?

Sigh. Summer better get here fast cause this mom needs some sleep.

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Notable Quotables from Nashville

Grant (3) - Jesus is the loverest. But he can't see how strong and tough I am because of the clouds.

Grant (3) - I'm scared.

Me - Why?

Grant - Because I have scary dreams with bats, ghost-es, and ghost-es poop.

Me - What?

Grant - I was just kidding ghost-es don't poop.

Grant (3) - Sometimes there's thunder in my pants but it doesn't hurt me. (To me while changing his diaper.)

Me - Grant will you go poop on the potty?

Grant (3) - Its not a Friday or a Sunday.

I'm going to be a plane on my birthday and fly out of the house far away. What are you going to be on your birthday?- Grant (3)

I'll be a birthday mom. - Me

Wait a second! I mean what kind of outside vehicle are you going to be? - Grant (try saying it with a lisp and its even funnier. Grant has a lisp by the way.)

Uhhhh, and excavator? - Me

Ok you'll be an excavator and I'll be a plane - Grant

Excuse me, can I go down? - Little girl trying to go down the slide at the park.

My name is not EXCUSE ME! - Grant (3)

Grandma my hands are weapons. - Grant (3) holding his hands like a ninja.

Mom, you're my best. - Grant (3) He's now told Jer, Madilyn, Emma, and Garrett this too but for the record I was first.

Me - Emma you are getting tall. You're growing up too fast. Could you stop that please?

Emma (8) - Look at these pants mom. They are too big. When I fit in these pants then we'll address it.

Jer - Grant let's brush your teeth.

Grant (3) pulls shirt up over the bottom half of his face - I'm a minja. Minja's don't have mouth-es so you can't brush my teeth.

What's that smell? - Grant (3) to Jeremy who was holding Grant.

I just ate a little tunafish - Jer

Turn your head that way so I don't have to smell it. - Grant

Is a piece of my ear missing?! - Grant (3)

Yes, but its just a little piece. I think its cool. - Me (There is a notch out of his earlobe. He was born that way.)

I think its awesome! - Grant (which actually, with his lisp, sounds like 'I think ith awethom')

At the doctor's office:

Madilyn (10) Grant's poopy.

Me - Ugh. Every time we come here he poops. We're the family that smells like poop.

Garrett (5) - That's because Grant eats too much Raisin Bran.

Grant (2) - L-l-look who's in my pants.

Me - Uh-oh, who's in your pants? (Wondering which of his toys he's shoved down there.)

Grant, proudly - My stinky buns!

Madilyn (10) - My teacher asked if any of us knew what opera was.

Me - Did you raise your hand?

Madilyn - Yes.

Me - Did you tell him that your mom sings opera?

Madilyn - I would rather tell him you were a tattoo artist than an opera singer.

This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had roast beef. This little piggy had a gun. This little piggy went wee wee wee all the way home. - Grant (2) doing 5 little piggies.

I found a dime! - Garrett (5)

That's why I like to go out in public. - Emma (7)

Can you get me a drink, little fishy? - Grant (2) to Shakira. We're not sure why he calls her little fishy, but little fishy she is.

Hold still I'm gonna punch you. - Grant (2) holding onto Garrett's (5) hand.

I'm definetwy a minja. - Grant (2) "I'm definitely a ninja".

Goodbye fruit loop, little baby bear. - Grant (2) to Jer on his way out the door for work.

Grant (2) in tears after hitting heads with Garrett - Garrett bonked myself. Then he bonked hisself.

Grant (2) to Grandma - You, you, you watch my car?

Grandma - I'll keep my eye on it for you.

Grant - You, you, you put your eye in there?

Grant (2) to me as I get him out of the van at Safeway - Should we get some ice cream?

Me - Do you like ice cream?

Grant - Yea. It's yummy.

Me - It's yummy in your tummy.

Grant - It's yummy but its NOT in my tummy.

(He was not happy with me about that.)

Grant (2) - Are you a fireman?

Jeremy - No.

Grant - I'm a minion.

Garrett (3) - How long until we get there?

Me - Four hours.

Garrett - So what you're saying is...I'm in charge

Me - Madilyn do these pants make my bottom look big?
Madilyn (9) - Yes.
Me (trying on a different pair) - How about these ones?
Madilyn - Yes....(in a whisper) maybe you just have a big butt.

Feast your eyes! - Garrett (3) to me as I changed his diaper. Thank you Brave.

Emma (6) - Mom do you know how I ate all my broccoli?
Me - How?
Emma - I sang a song to myself like they taught us at church.
Me - What song did you sing? (I was curious what church song applied to broccoli.)
Emma - Nephi's Courage.
For those of you now familiar with this song, the chorus says 'I will go. I will do the things the Lord commands. I know the Lord provides a way he wants me to obey.'

Talk about 3D. - Madilyn (8) to me while we watched Emma and Garrett perform a play for us in the playroom. Garrett kept running off the stage to jump on me.

Grant! Deedle deedle deedle! - Madilyn (8) calling for Grant as backup as she was wrestling Jer.

Jer - You're my sweetheart.
Garrett (3) - Yeah, I'm your sweetheart.
Jer - You're mom's sweetheart too.
Garrett - Yeah, I'm you're sweethearts.

Hi I'm Garrett I'm afraid of dogs This is Jeremy He's my dad He's my best guy We do jobs. - Garrett (3) to a new kid at the playground.

Emma (5) - Mom would you want to go into outer space in a rocket?
Me - Well, part of me would but a small part of me would be scared.
Emma - Which part?
Me - What?
Emma - Which part? Your foot?

There's the boy store! - Garrett (3) as we drove past Auto Zone.

Garrett (3) - Is your car new?
Grandma - Its about 2 years old.
Garrett - Does it talk?

Garrett (2)- Arf, arf! (Proceeds to lick my leg.)
Me - Don't lick me!
Garrett - But I'm a puppy.
Me - But you can't lick stuff.
Garrett - Can I lick my firetruck?
Me - No.
Garrett - Can I lick the floor?
Me - No.
Garrett - Can I lick myself?
Me - No.
Garrett - But I'm a puppy. What can I lick?
Me - You can lick ice cream and suckers.
Garrett - But I'm a puppy.
Me - You just have to pretend.

Garrett (2) - I'm going poop.
Me - Do you want to go on the potty?
Garrett - No, I'll do that when I'm a girl.

Jeremy - Who made this mess?
Garrett (2) - You did, now I have to clean it up.

Madilyn (8) - I'm glad we're not ducks.
Me - Why?
Madilyn - If we were ducks you'd have to sit on me. You're big. You'd squish me.
Me - I guess you're right. It is a good thing we're not ducks.

Can I have a cow party? - Garrett (2). I still don't know what this means but he asks me at least twice everyday.

Madilyn (7) - Mom, Garrett just swallowed one of Emma's diamonds!
Me - Is he choking?
Madilyn - No. Not yet. Oh.

Dad, do you think we have enough wood to do the job? - Garrett, hands on hips looking at a pile of wood with Jer. (2)

I'll take a sandwich - Garret first thing in the morning when I got him out of his crib.

My pants are leaving! - Garrett (2) as his pants fell.

Ta Da! It's Me! - Garrett (2) as he came running out of the bedroom first thing in the morning.

Me - Hyah, hyah kids! Get in the car!
Garrett (2) - I not a cow. I a cowboy.

Hey boy! Stop singing! - Garrett (2) at a funeral after the deceased's grandchildren got done singing I Am a Child of God. (Jer promptly took him out.)

Mom you made you too skinny. I'm going to draw you bigger because you have a baby in your tummy. - Emma (5) to me after I drew stick figures of the two of us (at her request).

Me (on Emma's birthday) - Emma I don't want you to grow up anymore. You're getting so big.
Emma (5) - (Giving me a 'serious mom?') Mom, I'm the same size I was yesterday.

Grandma found Garrett (1) on her bed harrassing the dog. She asked him to get off the bed. He crawled under the covers and said, "I sleeping. Achooo, achoo0".
(Grandma wasn't fooled.)

Hey! This is a closet! - Garrett (2), when he realized we'd put his port-a-crib in a walk in closet for a week while on vacation.

Me- My toes hurts bad and its not from dental floss.
Strange look from my mother.

Emma (4) - I'll think about you when you're dead.
Me- ???
Emma - I'll remember all the things you teach me.
(I wasn't aware that I have one foot in the grave.)

Emma (4) - Our brains tell our bodies what to do. But we can't touch them. They are safe in our skell.
Jer - Skell? Like skeleton?
Emma - No dad. Your skell (taps her fingers on her head.) Skeeellll.

Jer - Am I as smart as you are?
Emma (4) - No. You'll get smarter when you grow. You smarter when you get bigger.
Jer - What about mom is she smart?
Emma - Yes.
Jer - What about grandpa?
Emma - He's really smart.
Jer - What about grandma?
Emma - No not really.

Emma (4) - Dad are we going to take the long cut back or the short cut back? (They were washing their boots outside)
Jer - I have to go to the basement so I'm taking the long cut.
Emma - I'm taking the run cut.
(She then ran to the back door.)

Madilyn (6) - Ok, Dad are you going to give me one of those mints or take me out to ice cream?
Dad - How about we go home and get you something to eat.
Madilyn - That isn't one of your options.

Grandpa call 991 I've got snow in my panties! - Madilyn (6) to Grandpa while getting Christmas trees in the mountains.

Emma (4) got service coupons at church to leave us when she did something nice. -
Emma - Dad I left you a poopon.
Jer - I think its coupon.
Emma - No, Dad. Poopon. Pooooo-pon.
Jer - Oh. There's a poopon on the table.

Done? No.
Done? No.
Done? No.
- Garrett (1) to himself.

Jeremy - Is there anyone here who looks like they might be four? Emma (4) (Throwing off her blankets) - Me!
(Holding her foot in the air) Does this look like four year old feet?
Jeremy - Yes.
Madilyn - She looks the same to me.
Emma - No. Look at these hands. These are four year old hands. These are four year old feet. These are four year old...etc.

Emma (3) - Are tomatoes fruit?
Me - Yes.
Emma - Then ketchup is fruit.
Me - Yes, I guess its made of fruit.
Emma - Oh no. We have to protect our ketchup in the fridge from fruit flies!

Wow - Garrett (1) laying on his back after I found Emma dragging by his shirt through the house.

You're warm. I wish you were my pillow. - Emma (3) to Grandpa Richard.

Madilyn (5) - You lied!
Emma (3) - I lied to you Madilyn. I don't lie to mom or Jesus.

Emma (3) - I want to play sky soccer.
Me - Sky soccer?
Emma - Yes. Way up high in the sky.... Wait, how will I get down? (Growing distressed ) How will I get up there? I don't know how to fly. I don't want to play sky soccer. I'm scared. (Near tears) I don't want to play soccer.
Me - Uhhhh...

You're not a spider grandma you only have two legs. - Emma (3)

Madilyn(5) - We can't go to bed we haven't had dinner yet.
Babysitter - Yes we did we ate macaroni and cheese.
Madilyn - That wasn't dinner that was our 2nd lunch.

Emma (3) - Mom, listen to me count to eleven. (Proceeds to count to eleven.)
Me - Good job Emma can you count to 15?
Emma - No, I don't have 15 fingers.

I'm going to take care of Garrett, this house, and my teeth. - Emma (3)

Mom, you have sparkly eyeshadow. I love it. Noowww, I know why dad married you. - Madilyn (5)

Madilyn (5) - I don't feel good.
Emma (3) - That's cause you swallowed a penny Madilyn.
(Truth hurts)

Mom will you tell us a story out of your mouth? - Emma (3) (That would be tell her a story that I make up rather than out of a book.)

Madilyn (5) - Mom are you pregnant? Cause you still look a little pregnant to me.
Me - Wow. No honey I'm not pregnant.
Madilyn - Are you sure?

Emma (3) - I can feel that Jesus loves me in my heart.
Me - You can feel it right here. (Pointing to my heart)
Emma - Yup. Wait! (long silence with her hands on her heart)
Me - What?
Emma - I can feel it...my heart beating. There it is!

I love Jesus more than God. - Emma (3)

It's Santa Claus. He's a nice man. - Emma (3) when the fire trucks came to put out the fire at our apartments.

Madilyn, let's get rid of him. - Emma (3) after Jeremy put them both on their naughty spots.

I can do this. I can be brave. I don't miss my mommy....And I love you. - Emma (3) to her sunday school teacher.

My house is big, even its waterproof, even a wolf can't blow it down. - Emma (3)

How come I have to be potty trained and grandma doesn't? - Emma (3) ( I assure you all that her grandma's are well potty trained.)

Why can't I just go in the grass like Brodey? - Emma (3) on potty training (Brodey is my in-law's dog).

Grandpa Richard can do anything. He can drive a car, he can drive a boat, he can fly a plane. I think he could drive a train too....I don't think he can do a cartwheel or hand stand though. - Madilyn (5)

Jeremy - Emma I don't know what's wrong with me I keep forgetting things. (He was at Costco and kept forgetting stuff on the list.)
Emma (3) - You're a little loser Dad.
Jeremy - Let's not call people little losers.
Emma - Well then you're a big loser Dad.

Mom, when you come to my class tomorrow could you...you know...fix your hair. - Madilyn (5) to me. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'd actually fixed it that morning....I even used a blow dryer!

I like penguins. I like penguins more than I like lions. I like you more than I like lions or penguins. - Emma (3) to me.

Emma (3) - What's that noise? (Breathes in and out heavily)
Me - Does it sound like a whistle?
Emma - It sounds like a whistle. (Breathing in and out heavily again)
Emma - I have a whistle in my nose!

Grandpa Parsons - You're full of beans.
Madilyn (5) - Grandpa, I'm done with that.
(They grow up so fast.)

I know a lot about lights. I know a lot about lights and plungers. - Emma (3) as we passed Christmas lights.

Me - What did you learn about at church today?
Emma (3) - Wittw Woyd Jesus. (That's little Lord Jesus)

Emma (3), get your head out of your leotard. - Emma's dance teacher, in the nicest possible voice.

If I can handle one kid I can handle them all. - Madilyn (5), to friend as they came to get their son from her.

My pants are leaving me! - Emma (2), as her pants started to slip.

Leave him 'A'! - Emma (2), after Aunt Celeste told her and Madilyn to "Leave Peter (the rabbit) be."

Oh, look! It's the royal cleaner! - Madilyn (5), using an English accent, to me while I vacuumed.

Ding, dong. - Madilyn (5) trying to tell a knock knock joke.

Mom, your forehead looks like a maze. - Madilyn (5), please see post Peanut Butter Cookies and Foreheads.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Petrie Dish

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